gold noise
by Rlii
Summary: Am I dead?" I asked. "Are you?" She smiled bittersweetly. "I don't know." Miku/Rin yuri, shojo-ai
1. Am I dead?

**edited again. I never notice mistakes until it's been posted, oh my.**

**And everyone can celebrate, because I've LOST MY FEAR OF PARAGRAPHS.**

Miku's point of view. Saihate Miku, if you're impatient for a description. Paired with Meltdown remix Rin.

Ohh, but no shipping until much much later. Rating is T for now, because of death and junk like that, but will eventually reach M, you smut-seekers. c:

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It was dark.

Not a typical dark, the temporary absence of light, but a dark where no light had _ever_ touched. I was enveloped in this darkness, not standing or falling; only present. No time passed. Or maybe years past, thousands of years, millennia. Maybe I crossed dimensions somewhere. Perhaps I stood against the flow of time- maybe I travelled backwards. I think it only lasted an instant.

Was I ever there?

I don't believe so, maybe I was dreaming. That brings to mind another idea- was that the space in your mind when you are not dreaming? If I had been in a nightmare, and ran over the edges, broke through the constraints of my mind- would I rush into that solid darkness? I don't know- and I hope I never do know. Fear of the dark is silly- you only should fear what lies within it. Not that I'm afraid of anything anymore. Oh, never-mind. The point is, it was dreadfully dark.

I brushed against something, and stumbled through the empty space. There was a faint thud, and the darkness faded, or rather lightened, to a dull reddish shade.

I opened my eyes.

I was staring up at a beige ceiling, and an inset light casting a yellow glow onto my unfamiliar surroundings. A soft voice spoke from close behind me. A feminine tone that sounded oddly far away.

"Who are you?" it said.

I awkwardly sat up and whipped my head around to find its source. There stood a girl in some elaborate costume, carrying a staff of some sort loomed above me. She waited for an answer, tapping a foot by my head. Tall white boots, I mentally noted. Dainty yellow ribbons everywhere. A flouncy black skirt with shimmering layers. Strange sleeves, that didn't connect to her high-waisted dress. And that staff was a scythe. A pure black curved blade, but the rest was a shining yellow. The far end was ornately carved into what seemed to be a cityscape.

"Who are you?" she repeated, tipping her head slightly. Her golden pigtails were tall and unruly. I looked down again. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't speak.

I didn't _know_ who I was. If someone asks you your phone number, you have it memorized, generally, but there are times where you just can't recall it. I froze mentally, drawing blanks on who I was and where I lived and

absolutely everything relating to me.

I felt panic inch up my spine, momentarily set aside when the stranger turned away. She airily sighed, and began to walk down the hall. I carefully stood and watched her. Her feet didn't touch the ground. The soles of her boots must have floated a hairsbreadth above the carpet, because there was no sound of footsteps.

_What_?

I gingerly took a step of my own.

The floorboards creaked. I felt a surge of happiness. I was real, even if she wasn't. It's a dream. I'll wake up and know who I am, this is perfectly normal, I thought frantically as I followed the girl.

Right? Right after you realize you can't possibly be awake, and start to enjoy the fantasy world, you feel your covers smothering you and the sound of an alarm.

But my blessed footsteps were the only sound. "Don't stomp, please." she calmly instructed as she walked through a door.

Through the closed door.

I shot a hand out to touch the wood, to make sense of this- but my hand, a hand I didn't recognize, but mine nonetheless- went through as well. I was paralyzed with fear, and bit my lip to stifle a cry. Oh god, oh god, I felt the grain all through my hand- not physically painful, but my mind was racing. I stood there, completely out of sorts- someone who wasn't anyone, who wasn't even there?

Something pulled my hand, gently, and I tripped into the room.

On the floor again, shaking. I stared at the- illusion? The girl stared back. She had amusement in her stormy blue eyes, but they didn't seem alive.

"Where am I?" I managed to ask, my voice smaller than expected. Feminine, tinges of a nasal tone. I didn't care for the sound of my own voice.

"I wouldn't know. I never know about those things. Why are you here?" She seemed to be a solid figure. Not a ghost? I held my gaze, unmoving.

Seeing her was surreal. Once you looked away, you almost forgot the memory. I kept glancing back.

"I don't know you." she said, and walked over to a bed. I took in the room at last. Two beds, many closets, dressers, and boxes. One window. The curtain was drawn aside, and moonlight shone onto the bed the girl knelt by.

How did she manage such a long staff, I wondered. A weapon, no less. It somehow seemed natural, despite her small stature and girlish dress. Wait, who was in bed? A small, pale boy with hair not unlike her own. He slept peacefully, but his breathing sounded hoarse. I crept closer. She was pulling back the covers, revealing a puny body swimming in white nightclothes. He didn't even shift, lost in dreams somewhere.

He never awoke.

She abruptly stood, and gracefully swung her scythe into him, tearing through flesh without even a drop of blood. There was no gash or mark. I think I saw a shadow flit up, above the bed, and through the window's glass. It was his size and a steely blue.

I felt the realization hit me- she'd murdered him. She was some ghostly killer, a child's nightmare, dressed so fancifully

But it was only a dream. No one is hurt. He wasn't killed. Obviously, what were you thinking-?- But my logic was interrupted as I tried to remember my name.

"He left quickly. Good." she commented. There was a body on the bed, not breathing any longer. I buried my face in my hands. "He's dead! Y-you... why? You killed him." I stomped a foot, and felt it sink through the floor, slightly. A nightmare, I pleaded silently. I peeked through my fingers, to see her disapproving glare.

"I do not kill. He was dying. It's an interesting question, however. Do they happen to die because I come, or do I happen to come because they die?"

There were others, it implied. Oh god, nothing made sense. I sunk lower. "Wake me up." I whispered.

She ignored me. "There's a girl in the other bed. If you keep being so clumsy you'll wake her. Hear the floorboards creaking with your presence? Let her enjoy the last moments of her life where she thinks that boy is alive."

"Who are they?" I asked. These strangers looked a little like her. What did I look like? I just couldn't remember. "Do you know anything about them?" I asked in a rush, clutching my hands together.

She shrugged, and tossed a pigtail over her delicate shoulder. "I have not the slightest." She guided me with the tips of her fingers, pulled my feet out from the carpet. I clung to her dress. It felt real.

"Am I dead?" I asked. "Are _you_?" Please, please say no.

She smiled bittersweetly. "I don't know."

I began to become irritated. "What_ do _you know?" I felt warmth through the fabric.

"I was moving on- to the next place, which was here- and you were on the floor." I pushed her away suddenly. My hands didn't go through her, thank god. She roughly stepped back, but didn't even blink. She continued. "I know you're not human- you go through things. And you can feel me." She kept her face blank, like a doll.

"You're not human. I am! I am- please." She stands there, too perfect to be alive. "Tell me, what do I look like!?" I gasp, pulling my hair into my line of sight.

Aqua strands, twisted between pale fingers with bitten nails. I felt higher- I wore two pigtails, quite long. And bangs, I noted. I looked down, trying desperately to sort out what normal people look past- Black blouse, matching pleated skirt- white shirt beneath, and a plain black tie. I could be any girl, from any time or place. I was complementing my dull shoes and neat white socks when she cooly answered me.

"Well, you're beautiful."

The words made no sense at first- but then they hit me like a cold winter gale. I had never heard them, not in my new, (dream?) memory. I probably had never heard them in my real life. Was this real life?

"No, don't..." I mutter, scared by this girl. I know you don't say things like that, not to strangers. She wasn't sound of mind, even for a-

Spirit? Angel? Notions assaulted me- demon? Death himself- or rather herself?

"Oh, and you have eyes like your hair- turquoise. A pretty gem- but only semiprecious, you know." So she did know some things- I hadn't know that turquoise wasn't a real gem. Can you learn things in dreams? I must have heard it long ago, and only forgotten, I reasoned silently.

"What's your name?" I asked, biding time until I woke up. Any instant. But I wanted to hear her answer first.

"Rin." she stated, sounding rather bored. A long silence passed- I though I heard the ever-so-faint ticking of a clock somewhere else in the building. "That's all." What's my name? I bite my lip. It's strange- I can feel this, but there's no pain. "Check your jacket." she suggests. "It looks nice- does it have a tag for your name?"

I slowly unbuttoned it, feeling self-conscious with her eyes upon me. It's not like I was getting undressed all the way- ah, what a strange dream already! I shrugged it off erratically. Yes, at the bottom of one side in the lining, I find this:

NAME_M I K U _H A T S U N E_

ADDRESS_________________

PHONE___________________

"Miku Hatsune." I read aloud, the syllables strange on my tongue. Tongue! I slowly raised my hand to my mouth, feel my inner lips. How odd it must have looked. Oh, but my joy when I felt moist heat! I wasn't a corpse, at least. Yet I still floated a half-inch over the ground... but I was steady. I smiled brightly, clinging to this hope and cheerfully putting my coat back on.

Rin showed no emotion. "Miku." she repeated, formal as ever. I looked over to the girl fast asleep. Somehow, I was no longer fazed by- the death. The death of the boy. Did she know, even while closed from the world? If it was her brother, maybe she felt it. I had heard stories like that. She looked perfectly fine.

"Let's go." Rin said quietly.

"How?" I asked, almost excited. I jumped a little, thrilled by the rush of air beneath my aloft feet. Aloft. Yes, but I'm alive. I'm only dreaming. She raised her scythe and extended a hand. I hesitated for only a moment, and grabbed those slim, pale fingers eagerly. I liked the feeling- she had smooth skin. I saw her neatly trimmed nails with golden polish.

She brings the blade to her throat, and pierces the skin swiftly.

I tried to gasp, to react-

We were gone.

It was dark again, I was back in that darkness. I gripped her hand, and was less afraid.

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_-review, please, thank you-_

_-especially nice if you critique or tell me why I generally suck. I'll try to improve.-_


	2. Traveling?

**Thank you so much!**

I hope that this is moving along quickly enough...

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I had no time to ponder where this dream will lead. She slits her throat, the world disappears once more, and then we're in a city. Colorless pavement, buildings so tall they block most of your view of the overcast sky- the typical city. Nothing that gave me a clue where in the world I'd appeared in. I register Rin's presence by my side. I let go of her hand- I hadn't noticed I'd been holding it. She doesn't seem fazed. I pause a moment, and then have my little hysterics:

"What- YOU, oh my god. Why!" I shouted, not asking as much as expressing my confusion. I flailed my hands about my hair, quivering all over. It was an irrational terror. Without experiencing it, one cannot comprehend being thrust into a new location- The air pressure, temperature, light, sounds, smells, humidity- everything is instantly changed. Comparable to being thrown into water- can you imagine the shock? That thought passed my panicking mind- what if we had been taken under the ocean? Could I breathe?

Oh, of course- I was dreaming. How silly. _Don't worry!_ _Aha ha ah, why am I sweating?_ My thoughts didn't console me.

My heart was racing at lightspeed, as I physically adjusted to my surroundings. Rin merely stretched her arms over her head, indifferent to my plight. Perfectly natural. I wanted to smack her, but the sight of Rin induced a slight fear that inabled me to even touch her without warning. She was bright and so very serene, against the backdrop of steel and stone.

I shook my head- and saw people, awake and walking. Human life. I leapt towards the closest person- a middle-aged man with thinning hair. He walked slowly, clutching a styrofoam cup of coffee. I jumped out into his path,

"Ah, excuse me! Sir, oh-" I stepped aside, but my hand brushed through his arm. I was once more stuck by the feeling of being less than real. I stood, wide-eyes with tears threatening to fall.

"Please- talk to me! Don't do this, it's not funny! You're not-" I choked up, running circles around this vacant stranger. It wasn't possible. What did I do to deserve this nightmare? I pleaded with him nonsensically. I was only ignored, seen completely through. Enraged, I swept a fist at his coffee:

It was thrown from his hand, all the while spilling burning liquid down his coat. He swore gutturally, and kicked the fallen cup. He quickened his pace and soon was quite a ways distant, wringing his soiled coat.

I wiped my eyes, unsure about my emotions. I felt a twinge of guilt- hit wasn't really his fault that I was in this state. _ A dream-state. I wished desperately, that is. I pinched myself, barely feeling the sting. I just wouldn't wake up. I tried to reason, I tried to think, but soon gave up the effort of maintaining my must-be-dreaming mindset._

Stumbling towards the building once more, I breathed heavily, blocking it all out. I rested my forehead on the brick, and closed my eyes. Surrender. _Am I losing my mind?_

Rin's voice resonated from beside me. "I'm sorry." _An apology for what? Everything, I guess._

"If you will walk alongside me, I'll try to explain everything I know." Her voice was calming. The conversation went like this:

"Should I start with physical limits, abilities, er, the such?" She spoke carefully, in what I assumed to be her effort to soothe me.

I nodded. It was a nice gesture, but I was coming to terms with the reality of my situation. It didn't help much. I kept pulling at my hair and biting my thumb as she spoke.

"You'll get used to the traveling, I'm sure-" I interrupted her.

"_T_r_a_v_el__i_n_g_? It's like you're talking about flying around for your job or whatever!" My voice rose, but I managed not to lose my temper completely.

She pressed a finger to her lips, the signal for me to shut up.

"Please hold all questions and comments until I'm finished, Miku."

I remembered the latter word was my name, and mouthed it silently. I didn't think I would ever get used to it. But what other name was there?

"Alright, as I'm sure you've noticed, we aren't perceived by humans very easily." To prove her point, she tapped a loitering teenager briskly on the shoulder. No response.

_What are we?_ I glanced at the people we passed. None of them showed any interest.

"We may... interact? I think that's the right word- with our environment, or preferably pass through it at will. It can be tiring to make physical changes to the world." She knocked on a crossing post, then quickly ran her hand through it.

_The coffee. _ I remembered. Hope flitted around my mind, but I tried to dispel it. _Don't make it worse for yourself later._

"Gravity isn't such a big deal anymore. I suppose defying ordinary physics was fun at first, but now I walk around. Maybe it reminds me of what my life was before.." She leapt a few feet up, her skirt billowing. If anyone was able to see her, they must of thought she was some sort of angel, radiating light that couldn't shine through the clouds. When she landed, I heard the faint sound of soles on pavement.

_I want to go home._ Wherever home was. I was sick of hearing these rules- everything I had know was false. _Please, stop._

"Ah, I don't like to actually touch the ground, however. It draws attention and wears me out. Of course, we can't really sleep, and mundane things like hunger no longer exist either."

Well, that was a plus. _ But would you really want to exist like this all alone? _ I asked myself.

And coincidentally: "Oh, and don't worry too much about all of this. I've been alone for so very long, and I don't want to cause any unhappiness to my only company."

I gave a weak smile. "T-thanks." But was she better than being alone? Terribly beautiful, emphasis on the terrible. Simply put- I was afraid.

"Well, that's about it. I go about my way, and I suppose I help the departed on their way or some cliché- well, if I don't run my scythe through them, they won't leave so easily."

She spoke so nonchalantly about _murder_, or at least being involved with it somehow. "Did you forget to do that to me or something?!" I asked in a frenzy.

A bemused expression on her face, she answered, "No, of course not. I would have been trying to usher you along. You just appeared with me at the last stop."

"Where exactly do they go?" My self-confusion was overtaken by curiosity. Who doesn't want to know what happens after death?

"I don't know. After they leave my sight, it's none of my business. I like to believe that everyone has a personal afterlife."

_Wait what does that mean..._ "Ah! Does that mean this is what I wanted heaven to be?" Alone forever, watching human life end stuck with this... I still couldn't get my scattered mind around her.

"You assume this is heaven. Maybe you were a gruesome murderer." I watch her lightly steeple her fingers together, and she skips along slightly.

"Were you?" I ask lowly, afraid of whatever the answer might be. I wouldn't ut it past her. She didn't have any apparent regret for her (after?)life.

"Oh, yes. I killed all my peers and teachers and cut off their hands. Of course, I didn't have to deal with the law or anything dreadful like that, because I cut one of my own off as well. Bled to death amongst them." she sweetly replied.

My jaw dropped and I froze in my place.

She rolled her icy eyes. "Merely a jest- admit, you were asking for it. I have no idea who or what or where I am, or was. I'm really just a fool, so you may lose your respect now."

I sighed. I mentally added 'gullible' to my growing list of what I knew about myself.

"Ahh, look there, in the alley-" she pointed out a slumped figure. Was this dying one she was sent for? I hurried along behind her ample skirt, unfortunately aware of how quickly I was adjusting to everything.

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